A Quick Post from JFK

I love JetBlue. This post is courtesy of JetBlue's free wireless internet. JetBlue: Happy Jetting!

Now that I'm done with the advertisement, the trip has been very smooth so far and quite relaxing. I enjoy train travel quite a bit, and even though I had to start this morning's trek at 4:45, it was still quite nice reading on the train on the way up to New York Penn Station. I arrived at Penn station around 6:35 in the morning, then caught the A subway over to Howard Beach, where I then caught the AirTrain to JFK and quickly checked in to JetBlue pretty nicely refurbished terminal. If it wasn't so far away, I'd probably fly out of JFK more often, at least from JetBlue's terminal.

So now I wait about three hours before my flight takes off, barring any setbacks. That will give me some time to listen to John Mayer, hopefully finish Cormac McCarthy's "The Road," and maybe finish a crossword puzzle or two. Maybe I'll sleep somewhere in there also, though I am surprisingly awake and upbeat, which isn't usual for me when it's that early in the morning. So hopefully the trip will continue smoothly, if all goes will I'll be back in CA in about 10 hours. And I will finally be able to enjoy the warm weather, good Mexican food, and wonderful friends and family. Until then, it's back to the postapocalyptic world where we find a man and his son cautiously approaching a camp of refegees... or is it? Stay tuned for partial excitement!

Thanksgiving to Advent

It has been awhile since I last posted; my schedule has been much busier than I was anticipating even though I ended up getting much less done than I was hoping. So when this week came around - which we essentially had completely off because of the Thanksgiving holiday - it was certainly gave me reason to be thankful.

Thanksgiving was very interesting this year. It was the first time I was not at home for the holiday, making me one of the few this year who stayed on campus the entire week. Quite the experience walking around campus when it was almost empty, though I have to say it was very relaxing. For Thanksgiving, I went over to a friend's pastor's house, and it was a good substitute this year. We had a big traditional dinner, and we played the dictionary game. It's basically Balderdash, except we just go through the dictionary and pick out our own words rather than using words provided for us on little cards. It's a lot cheaper too. I think the words are more interesting too when you find them yourself. You can come up with words like Dugong, Tenebrific, and Phragmocone. The best part is my spell-checker thinks they're spelled incorrectly right now. =) I felt at home when I couldn't be at home, and that was a good feeling.

So now we head into the season of Advent, and I get to preach the first sermon of the Advent season at my internship church. I'm preaching on Matthew 1:18-25, which is the birth story that focuses on Joseph. It will be a new challenge, but I have always wanted to preach during Advent, so it will be a fun experience too.

The coming of Advent also means I'll be home soon. This year my break will be unusually long, but I'm not complaining. I'll be coming home on Decemeber 8 and in CA for the rest of December, which will be good. It will be good to be home for awhile and see friends who I haven't seen for 3 months. It has occurred to me that this is the longest I've been away from home for any one period of time. Went by a lot quicker than I was expecting.

The Christmas season brings back good memories, and one is particularly on my mind. My sophomore year of high school, our band director gave us caroling music to play in concert band, since marching band season had ended and we didn't have any concert music that needed to be immediately practiced. A group of my friends decided that it would be fun to get together and play the Christmas music as a small brass quartet. We played at a retirement home, for a private party, and we even got to play in Old Town Pasadena near the Johnny Rockets. It was a lot of fun to play, but it was also fun to bond with friends and really celebrate the season with music. Something about standing playing trombone with a santa hat on in the middle of Old Town really brought the season to life.

I will probably post once more before I head back to CA, and I'll post my flight info again for anyone who missed it the first time. So check back at the end of the week. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Post-Election Woes

Now that the election circus is over, I can go back to worrying about things that will have a more immediate impact on my life.

It has been a crazy couple weeks. Along with the political climate, I have had quite a full plate with my internship responsibilities and classes. Last week was a flurry of sermons, bible lessons, papers and costumes (granted, not school related) that were all due in a five day span. I was studying the difficult story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22, trying to find good news in there (which I think I may have accomplished) but also requiring me to preach the sermon in a format that I'm not completely comfortable or familiar with (narrative). Then it was on to trying to fit the stories of Joshua, Ruth, and Samuel all into a cohesive story with a singular point - and giving that Bible lesson in 10-15 minutes. From there it was on to a paper about my personal struggle with Panic Disorder as a child, and relating that to pastoral ministry (a paper on which I received an A+). And, as you saw in my last post, I spent about an hour getting ready for our hall's annual Halloween party dubbed "Brownoween," since we live in Brown Hall. Finally, I continued developing the curriculum for the children's sermons for my church's Sunday services. This week was talking about the kingdom of God as a culture of freedom. Quite a busy week.

I'm surprised that everything went as well as it did, but that has always seemed to work out for me. Usually everything ends up working out and much better than I am expecting. Now I have to keep that hope alive for the next two week because my next big milestone project is due: my thesis. It is only a first draft, so it is not hugely critical that I have it pristine or perfect; quite the opposite actually. But I am still deep in research, thought, and writing. With only a week and a half left to work on it, I have a very steep climb ahead of me. But I have been working diligently on it, and hopefully I will have a complete draft to turn in when the time comes around.

So I will be running around quite frantically the next couple weeks and sprinting all the way to Christmas break. Our children's ministry program is starting a new Sunday School unit, and I am leading an entire section of it. On top of that, I still have two or three more children's sermons to write and life in general to deal with. No rest for the weary, but in some ways, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Trick or Treat!

Just in case anyone wanted to know how I dressed up for Halloween. I won third in a costume contest.



Anyone want to see a magic trick?

The Big Decision

I think many of you who read here are pretty much aware of the decision I have have been talking about making for the past couple months and officially made two weeks ago. But I wanted to let those of you know who haven't heard yet and to give a fuller explanation of the decision that I have made.

When I decided to restart the ordination process over the summer, I had hesitations about restarting the process at Arcadia Presbyterian Church. I had made that known to a few people, but I'm not sure how widely known it was. For various reasons that I won't go into, I felt that it was not best equipped to guide me through the process. But APC has been my home church for as long as I've been alive, and despite reservations I had, I decided to restart the process under their care.

Over the last (almost) four years, there have been a series of complications that have made my experience going through the process difficult. I believe that sometimes we face difficulty because it is an indication that we are going the right direction and it is a sign that we should continue going in that direction. Sometimes that difficulty is there to cause us to reconsider and either stop or determine a new direction. I am still not sure what this difficulty is indicating to me overall, but it did cause me to stop and reconsider.

My internship at La Crescenta Presbyterian Church was a life-changing experience for me. The experience restored my faith in the church's ability to be a redemptive for in the world and that people of various backgrounds and ideological beliefs can come together to worship God as one community. I had become very cynical about the church and LCPC gave me a glimmer of hope that I had needed. I was welcomed into the community from day one, and it has started to feel like home. I found leaders with experience who could easily relate with my vocational struggles as well as sharing some of my theological areas of interest. It became a community where I could share my gifts and be stretched out of my comfort zone in healthy ways to grow.

Toward the end of the summer, complications began to emerge again with the ordination process, and needing to return to Princeton, I left being in basically the same place I've been for the last four years. During the summer, it seemed like God was pointing me to a community that could guide me through the ordination process, and this complication seemed to be asking me to seriously consider that option.

This wasn't a decision to be made lightly or implusively. I prayed about it over these past months. I spoke to my friends, mentors, colleagues, advisors and a couple pastors to discuss the options. After getting their advice, I sat on it for another month. Every answer I received, every indication I had pointed in the same direction.

So two weeks ago, I sent a letter to APC to request my membership be transferred to La Crescenta Presbyterian Church. I believe God, at least at this time, wants me to continue to pursue the ordination process under LCPC's care. It was a hard decision, but I think it was the right one. I still consider APC an integral part of my life: it was the church I grew up in, the place where my faith became real, the place where I was given my first opportunities to serve in the church. But for everything there is a season, and I believe one season is ending and a new one is beginning. I know the reasons may seem simple; they are anything but. Those reasons don't need to be stated or known to anyone but those who are closely involved. Just know they are much more complex than they may seem.

I am not sure what the future holds for me in terms of completing ordination. I am beginning to wonder if this difficulty is in place to point me in another direction entirely. At this point, I still feel this is a direction that God wants me to go, despite my own reservations, and I will continue to go in that direction.

Winter Comes Early

Well, right now, I'm looking out my window and the snow is coming down hard. That's right: snow. At the end of October. So while all my So Cal friends and family are trying to cool down from the 90* weather, I'm trying to bundle up to keep warm. Oh, the joys of NJ weather.

Big decision post finally coming this afternoon. Stay tuned.

Now For Something Completely Different: A Review of W.

I would imagine that when people heard the Oliver Stone was releasing a movie about George W. Bush, many thought it would be a "left-wing" smear job with little to no objectivity. But "W." is much more evenhanded than I would have expected, especially coming from Oliver Stone.

For those who are big fans of the Bush administration, this is not a movie you will enjoy as Stone depicts Bush's young adulthood as a period of alcohol abuse and directionless for the future politician. Depictions of his cabinet and closest mentors, as well as the relationships within his family will probably also make you upset.

For those who have not been impressed with the Bush administration, I think many will see Bush in a different light and that Stone is not bashing him but trying to understand why Bush made the decisions he did.

The movie focuses on the time period from Bush at Yale to Bush just after the break out of violence between Islamic sects in Iraq. It is not chronological; it jumps between the "present" and the past throughout the movie but almost always with the clear identification of what time of Bush's life we are in. As I said before, Bush's young adulthood is depicted as a time of recklessness, especially concerning alcohol, as well as being directionless. He is in trouble with law and under the constant pressure of trying to live up to his father's expectations.

Stone shows Christianity as playing a vital role in Bush's life and in a positive light. When we first see Bush praying after a strategy meeting in the first 10 minutes of the movie, we laugh a little bit because it seem facetious or at least out of place among a room full of less devoted Christians. But when we witness Bush's conversion and his following meetings that end in prayer, we see Bush's devotion as genuine and meaningful to him. Stone treats it with respect and not as a weapon with which to attack Bush's character.

This movie is not kind to Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, or Karl Rove. All of them are acted very well, especially Richard Dreyfuss as Cheney. An excellent depiction and an incredible visual likeness. Josh Brolin is also excellent as Bush, mimicking his mannerism and speech, so that it is somewhat difficult to tell the difference in a few shots.

Overall, I left the movie feeling sympathy and compassion for Bush, seeing him as the victim of poor circumstances rather than a conniving dictator or malicious politician. Stone paints him as a devoutly religious man who wanted deeply to have a positive impact in the Middle East and across the world. Bush's weaknesses were allowing himself to be driven by associates with ulterior motives and being unable to stand under the weight of his father's expectations.

I don't know how much of the movie is factual, but honestly, I don't care. This movie isn't intended to be a strict retelling of Bush's life or a definitive biographical movie. It is a character study about a complicated man who became president, and it focuses on specific parts of Bush's life that can shed some light on his psyche. He is a round, dynamic character as are most of the other characters; only Cheney and Rumsfeld stay fairly static, and they receive the harshest treatment from Stone's retelling. It was a fascinating journey, and an enjoyable movie to watch that left feeling a little more sympathy for Bush than I would have expected.

Closer to a Decision

I'm getting to the point in the semester where the work starts to pile up a little bit, which this year I am actually excited about. I think it will encourage me to structure my time more, a goal I'm already trying to achieve. Plus it will get me more involved in topics I'm interested in, so hopefully my classes will start to pick up a little more.

With that increased work, it also encouraging me to come to decisions which I have been mulling over for the last couple months. I expect to make and follow through on those decisions by the end of the week.

For some reason, I feel like it's going to be a rough week. Nothing tangible really provides evidence for that; just feels like one of those weeks. We'll see.

Over the Hump

I'm now done with the first two weeks of class, which in a way means I'm over the hump. I've tended to use the first two weeks of class to settle in, get a feel for my schedule, and make changes if necessary (which always seems to be the case). So now my schedule is firmly set and beyond the point of changing. I think I am generally satisfied with it. Like I said in a previous post, the biggest challenge will be effectively managing my time. I have big gaps of time in my schedule that will make it easy to fall into a false sense of security, so I will have to be diligent about structuring my schedule enough to keep on top of things.

I finally have a car that I can drive on a regular basis, which is a huge sigh of relief. The ability to leave campus and get away from the hustle-and-bustle of campus, plus being able to get to my field ed site without having to rely on another student's generosity is like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I have really appreciated the friends (and really friend) who let me borrow their car so I could get around, but I didn't want to become a burden, so this frees me from having that feeling of being overbearing. It's a '94 Toyota Camry LE, and it drives wonderfully. It's nice having a car with power-everything, cruise control, and cup holders! Sounds so trivial, but I never realized how convenient those amenities can be. Now I just have to get used to not filling my own gas (New Jersey and Oregon are the only two states that don't let you pump your own gas), But I figure I'll take that when I can take advantage of the cheapest gas prices in the country. I guess NJ is not all that bad.

In terms of vocation, I feel that I'm getting close to knowing what direction to go. I feel that I'm getting a solid sense of where God wants me to be, and what capacity I should have in serving the church. I don't think it's going to change too much in what I am currently doing, but there are probably going to be changes. I'm keeping it vague until I feel confident about making those changes, so I apologize for my somewhat cryptic or uninformative statements. I'll let everyone know what's going on when the time is right.

Until then, I'm going to keep chugging along. I give my first sermon in class on Thursday of next week for my preaching class, so it will be exciting to get that critical feedback to know how I can improve. And of course, the thesis continues to eat away at my time, but I'm feeling better about the progress I'm making in research, and hopefully I'll be able to start writing something more substantive than notes in the near future. So it keeps rolling along, and I'm just trying to enjoy the ride while I can.

Flight Home for Christmas

I just received the final exam schedule, and it turns out I have no written finals that I have to do. In fact, all I have is one paper due at the end of the week. So my flight plans have changed slightly for my trip home for Christmas break, and I'll be coming home a little bit earlier than before. Originally I was going to fly home on Dec 13 and fly out on Jan 1. Here is my new my flight plan for Christmas:

Jet Blue
Leaving: Monday December 8, JFK @ 11:40 a.m.
Arriving: Long Beach @ 2:59 p.m.

Leaving: Thursday Jan. 1, Long Beach @ 7:15 a.m.
Arriving, JFK @ 3:27 p.m.

Time Management

I have finished going to all my classes now. This will probably be one of the easiest semesters in my academic career, at least in terms of my "official" classes. Preaching is going to be good, and I'm very glad that one of the interns at LCPC urged me to take the class from Sally Brown. I think the challenge in this class is going to be expanding my understanding of what preaching is and forcing myself to explore different approaches to it. Minister and Mental Illness is going to be really easy but also very good. The three hour class was shortened to a two-hour class, but apparently the professor for this class is one of the most respected scholars in the field of practical theology, especially in the area psychology and ministry. So that class will be good if not quite challenging. My children's ministry practicum is going to be what I expected to be, though I am the only one who does not want to go into full-time children's ministry. It will be a good place to bounce ideas around and gain a bit of confidence working with kids.

My thesis will be the most difficult challenge I face this year, by far. It is not the subject matter, but the time management that will be extremely difficult to maintain. There is no one keeping me accountable to my work except myself, so this is going to be a tough lesson in self-motivation and time management. Thankfully my schedule will give me the flexibility to devote more time to my thesis if I need it. Still, it will be a big challenge. But taking the whole package together, this semester will most likely be a bit easier than others I've had on average, and certainly the easiest so far at Princeton.

Updates on Classes

Well, I really won't be able to tell you how my classes are going to be until the end of Wednesday. The reason why? I now only have classes on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. And of those classes, only two of them are "real." Here is a complete list of my classes for those who are interested:

Introduction to Preaching - Dr. Sally Brown, Tuesday: 8:30-10:20 am, Thursday: 2:00 - 3:50 pm
Minister and Mental Illness - Dr. Donald Capps, Wednesday: 8:30 - 11:20 am
Children's Ministry Practicum - Alison Young, Wednesday 5:30 - 6:30 pm
Thesis Project: Is the West Beyond Salvation? - Dr. John Flett
Field Education Placement: Academic Year

My practicum is basically a time when a group of six students sit down to have dinner and talk about children's ministry. I only get 1 unit for the whole year for taking it so it's not really a "real" class. I set my schedule for my thesis and don't have any official meeting times; it's more like directed research, so that's not really "real" either. So Preaching and Minister and Mental Illness are my only "real" classes, and those shouldn't be too intense. So it is going to be a very relaxed, slow paced semester most likely. That will be great for doing research and writing for my thesis, so I have no qualms about that. It looks like it should be a pretty interesting semseter - and fairly uncluttered.

Back at Princeton

For once, I feel like I can write a short post about travel to or from Princeton. There were no major hiccups in my flight to Princeton yesterday, and I am back on campus awaiting the start of the new school year. I moved into my new room in Brown Hall, the "newest" of the dorms on campus (it was built during the Civil War!), and I have to say this is the biggest room I've ever lived in. So luxurious: it's 12' x 14', has a "walk-in" closet (I can actually fit my whole body in it and walk around, so I guess that qualifies) and so my empty space I really don't know what to do with it all. I could probably fit two couches in here and still have plenty of room to move around. So this is definitely an upgrade from last year. I will post pictures once I have it all set up.

I've settled in pretty quickly. Last night, my friend Caleb and his wife Rachel had me over to watch the USC-Ohio St game. They also fed me, which was very nice, especially since I hadn't eaten since the night before. My friend Marc picked me up from the airport, so that was a good way to catch up with what had happened during the summer (since he was on campus this summer). Overall, it's bee a pretty smooth transition. Classes start tomorrow, so the adventure continues full speed ahead tomorrow. I'll post more updates as the week progresses.

Great news!

When I went to register earlier during the summer, I really wanted to take a preaching class with one particular professor. But I forgot that when I went to register at 9 AM, it was noon on the East Coast, meaning I was registering three hours after the bulk of the students. So all the preaching classes were full. I registered for other classes, and since there was no waiting list or expanding of the class size, I was resigned to taking preaching with another professor in the spring.

Tonight I needed to juggle my schedule a bit, so I decided I'd go through all the classes available to see what I could switch to. And, lo and behold, 1 spot was open in one of the preaching classes! It does mean that I will have class on Tuesday and Thursday now, but all of my classes will now be in the middle of the day or in the morning, when I'm usually lazy anyway. It also gives me a little less time to work on my thesis for long dedicated periods of time, but I think that will end up being a blessing rather than a curse. So I will get to take my preaching class with one of the better preaching professors on campus, I'll get it out of the way during my first semester, and I think my schedule will end up being a little more productive. I'm feeling a little better about my schedule now, and I trust that this semester will be better than I was originally anticipating.

And So It Begins

What a summer! Despite having one of the busiest summers that I can remember, it has gone by in a flash. Time flies when one is having fun I suppose, which is probably why it flew by so quickly.

My time at La Crescenta Presbyterian Church was so much more than I could have hoped for. It was great to be plugged into a solid church once again with a strong community and programs. I was glad to have leadership responsibilities once again, restoring some of my lost self-confidence in that area. It was great to be in a supportive community to bounce ideas around and even make some of them come to fruition. But most of all, I was glad to be back in a church that understands its role in the world. I don't say this lightly: LCPC restored my faith in God's church. Though I still struggle with my own experiences in the church, LCPC has shown me that the church can be a light to the world and actually bring God's love to his people.

To give you an idea of what I have been up to this summer, I will give a bullet list of activities and areas that I was involved in:

- Assisted in some function with four memorial services (all occuring within a month)
- Helping to lead a young adult group, including developing a name for the group, designing a logo, and compiling topical studies for two months of lessons
- Leading and organizing a fundraiser for Hurricane Katrina relief, including supporting and housing an acting group from Louisiana, helping to organize a Louisiana-style dinner, and helping to advertise for the event (the event attracted about 125 for dinner and 175 for the show)
- Helping out with a four-day trip to the Eastern Sierras
- Preaching on Revelation
- Going to a session, communications, worship and music, and pastoral care team meeting
- Compiling, analyzing, interpreting, and reporting 300 18-multiple-choice surveys about worship to the worship and music committee
- Helping to organize a paintballing event

Those were the major things I can remember. It was a great experience, and barring any sudden emergencies, I'll be returning to the church again next summer.

Despite that great experience, I am still unsure of my vocational direction. I wasn't expecting to come to a clear conclusion at the end of summer, nor am I disappointed that I still am at a crossroads. I am ok with the tension that I find myself in and am willing to keep it there until God shows me a clear direction. I feel sure that I am capable of going either direction, either ministry or academics, so for me, that's all that really matters at this point.

I return to Princeton on September 13 reluctantly. The reasons why are too complicated to explain; suffice it to say that there are aspects of Princeton that I love and many that I would rather do without. More than anything it is the friendships that I have made and want to develop that ultimately drives me back to the East. I am looking forward to see my classmates again and hopefully to spend some more time with my married friends.

So in many ways I feel I am beginning anew. It will be an exciting year with a new internship in Allentown, hopefully more powerful transportation around New Jersey, and a little more familiarity. I will have a couple friends coming in new this year and an excuse to get off campus with some newly married friends. So we shall see what God brings this year. I will be trying to update this site more frequently with the school year starting. So stay tuned in for more updates.

Posts coming shortly

Posts will be resuming again shortly. Be looking in the next couple days for new entries.

Back at Home

After being a week back, I'm feeling at home once again. I've been catching up with friends, settling in, and preparing for the major endeavors I'm pursuing this summer. There have been a few shocks, a few surprises, and one particularly painful moment. Overall though it's been good to be home. It's been nice having this week off before my internship starts, but I'm excited to begin that as well. It should be a good summer. I'll still update every now and then during the summer, so keep checking back.

God must not want me to leave Princeton

So it always seems that something must go wrong when I try to fly home, whether it is Thanksgiving, Christmas, or spring break. This time my flight delay will hopefully not result in sitting in an airport for far too long meeting fascinating, interesting people (I guess half of that is not too bad). I woke up this morning to a phone call from my parents informing me that my flight had been cancelled. Thankfully this only resulted in my new flight being a few hours later. So I will still be coming home today, barring any further complications. Still, it would have been nice to eat dinner at home somewhere than on the aircraft. Here is my new flight info for anyone who is interested:

Delta Flight 1189:
Depart - Philadelphia at 5:38 pm EDT
Arrive - Salt Lake City at 8:35 pm MDT

Delta Flight 1137
Depart - Salt Lake City at 9:15 pm MDT
Arrive - Ontario at 10:01 om PDT

Flight Numbers

Just wanted to repost my flight number for all interested parties:

Delta 1707
Depart: Philadelphia - 1:00 pm EDT
Arrive: Atlanta - 3:09 p.m. EDT


Delta 1663
Depart: Atlanta - 6:30 p.m. EDT
Arrive: Ontario - 8:00 p.m. PDT

Offically Done! Part 1

I am officially done with my first year ... of classes. Of course, I'll be much happier when I am officially done with my finals exams of my first year, but all things in their due time. For now, I am very happy to say I survived my first year of classes. In some ways they have been exactly what I was expecting; in other ways they have been a bit disappointing. But that is part of the experience, and thankfully spring has been a much a better semester than fall.

The year has been winding down rather nicely. I feel comfortable with where I will be during the summer. I am glad that I am starting to follow through with and will continue to pursue projects that will help me discern my vocation. I think starting the ordination process and working on a thesis will be good ways to keep myself actively thinking about where God is calling me.

I'm also really happy with where I will be next year. The new curriculum is going to be much more conducive to learning, and it will give me more time get deeply into my reading material. I'll be moving into a different dorm and room that is quite a bit bigger than my current room (it will give me about 32 sq. ft more than what I currently have) and it will move me closer to the center of campus. It will also allow me to keep more at school and less to ship home. Just a great situation all around.

Finals are coming soon, but in the mean time I am enjoying my last two weeks at Princeton before heading home for the summer. I had a surprise visit today from one of my old professors, Michael Bruner, who was in the area for a conference. It was great to see him again and having a chance to talk about the end of my first year. A good distraction from my endless reading and writing as well. Speaking of which, I should probably get back to it. Too much to do in too little time.

Falling into Place

I am slowly starting to set my schedule for next year, and yesterday I finally solidified another piece of the puzzle that I have been working on for over a month. As soon as the Registrar begins accepting the forms, I will officially be working on a thesis next year in the area of Theology. Pending approval, I'll be working with one of my professors with whom I have been taking classes this past year, John Flett. The working title of my thesis is "Is the West Beyond Salvation?" It's basically an analysis of the development of Christianity into a fully world movement and how that effects a post-Christendom West (U.S. and Europe essentially). Put in laymen's terms, I'm basically talking about how the U.S. and Europe can see itself in a world where it is no longer the center of Christianity. It will also focus on the lack of attention given to mission in our home, that we can live next to poverty in the heart of Los Angeles or other major cities yet spend thousands and even millions of dollars sending missionaries to other countries to the neglect of the needs at our doorstep. This was a prevalent theme at APU, one that caused quite a bit of tension within me. I'm looking forward to it, but it's going to be a rough year. I'm going to start doing my research over the summer, shoot for a 40,000 word (roughly 114 double-spaced pages) draft at the end of Fall semester, and revise it throughout the Spring semester. It will be a lot of work, but a good exercise and one that I am looking forward to.

I'll write more later. For now, I'm off to class.

A Walk through the Woods

A friend and I went on a walk last night through the Princeton Battlefield (one of the famous Revolutionary War battle sites) and the Institute for Advanced Study (the academic home for scholars like Einstein and Oppenheimer: see here for more info). I took some pictures, so I'll put the link below for anyone who wants to see them. It was nice to get away from the school for awhile and see some of the surrounding area that I hadn't had a chance to see yet. Very refreshing.

Here are the pictures.

I am very excited to annouce...

that I can watch up to 6 baseball games at one time!

OK, not really (though I am really excited about that).

I have been almost two months to make this announcement and the pieces have finally fallen into place to make it work. I will be coming home this summer and working at La Crescenta Presbyterian Church as an intern for my summer field education placement! This placement has taken some time to put into place but it has definitely come together because of God's good graces. I was convinced that I would be struggling to find a job that I wouldn't really want to do for the summer or sitting around jobless, but God opened this door in a huge way and everything fell into place. Here's basically how it worked out.

Back in February, I wanted to know if there were any CA church placements available, so I asked my field ed advisor for any sites that were available. For whatever reasons (God's direction probably) La Crescenta stood out. It's a nice city, I have family that lives there, and it's close to home. So I checked out the website and e-mailed the pastor to introduce myself. Turns out the pastor 1) went to my high school (graduating in the 70s) 2) was a member of the marching band 3) went to my church's youth group at that time and 4) knew very during that time a person who would become one of my mentors while I was at APU. He has two PTS grads working for him, one the spiritual director (worship leader), the other the youth director. They have some great outreach programs and other events that are focused on mission. It looked like a great fit. I visited the church while I was back for spring break, and met with the pastor and the spiritual director. At that point, it was simply a matter of funding, so I couldn't make any official announcements. And today I found out that everything had settled into place, and I received an official offer.

I'm really excited. I'm basically going to have a hand in every part of the church I can. It will be a great intro to life as a pastor, an experience that will be very helpful. So now everyone can know. =) Like I said, I have been wanting to announce this for awhile, so I'm glad I can finally tell everybody.

Opening Day

Great opening day game for the Dodgers. And as Vin Scully said at the end of the game, how fitting that on the first game of their 50th anniversary that the Dodgers should win 5-0 against their fiercest rivals (though the Giants this year will be pretty pathetic). All is right with the world again: baseball has started up.

Fun at Work and New Ways to Communicate

This week has been a bit hectic. I'm beginning to start a lot of projects due at the end of the semester while finishing up a couple that are due soon. Work was also pretty crazy this week. I work at Princeton's University Store in downtown Princeton, which is much like a small clothing store (think of a Gap or Banana Republic that you'd find in a mall, but about twice as big). Typically for closing hours (shifts that I usually work), three people are assigned to work: a manager and two sales associates. Occasionally only a manager and an associate are assigned if not much business is expected. There are four managers: three work on the actual floor, one works in the basement in the mail order and receiving department. While the mail order manager is probably the best guy to work with, he's also never on the floor; not bad unless a huge influx of people enter the store. I think we can all see where this is going as we jump to last Friday. The store supervisor scheduled the mail order manager and me as the only two in the store on Friday night for the final two hours of store operation. That would have been fine had it not been a week where every alumni and their mother (or children as the case overwhelmingly was) been visiting. So I was basically the only worker on the floor while a steady stream of traffic came into the store. Needless to say, it was a tiring night. It wasn't that bad, and I actually enjoyed not having a manager hanging over making sure I was working the whole time (which usually isn't an issue). But it made for an exciting night being the only one on the floor.

I also wanted to let everyone know about a new way to communicate. I'm not sure how many people have heard of Skype, but it's basically an internet phone. It's free, you can "call" people who also use it, and it also allows for video chatting for free. All you need is a computer with an internet connection and a microphone. If you want to video chat, you need a webcam too. If you use it already, or if you make an account, you can look me up: jeff.desurra. I think it could be a really nice way to keep in contact. You can also use it to call landlines and cell phones, but that costs money. Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know.

Difficult Decisions

At the beginning of the semester I wrote about my struggle over vocation. Being over half way through the semester, I've had a lot to think about. My classes have continued to hone my thinking, professors have pushed me to new levels, and planning out this summer's and next year's church placements have helped put my education into a broader perspective. I feel more comfortable being at Princeton, more confident that this is where I'm supposed to be, reassured that this is where God wants me to be. But the vocation question still remains. If anything, discerning my call has become even more complicated than it was at the beginning of the semester now that I have more options to consider other than pastoral ministry and academic teaching.

Over the past couple weeks I have realized that I should be in a position where I can wrestle through these decisions more concretely. Working in the Church for the next year is one step in that direction, but it's only a step. I need to open up opportunities for conversation, which is more difficult to do when I am not engaged in processes that are designed to open the doorways for conversation.

For this reason, I've made two decisions, both of which have been difficult to come to but will, I think, enable me to make a better, well-informed decision about my vocation. This summer after I finish my finals, I am going to (re)start the ordination of process. Even though I am still unsure that I am being called to pastoral ministry, I need to take advantage of the process that the Presbyterian church has set up. I hope that being in the process will open up more opportunities to have conversations about vocation.

The other decision I've made is not yet set in stone, but will probably be a little more grueling and one I may regret a bit more. After talking with one of my professors, I am going to pursue a thesis project next year. I will be shooting for a project that would be roughly 40000 words, something I would have to devote the entire year to. I don't have many details on what I would be writing on and I'm not sure if I can work with the professor I'd like to yet. It would be an independent study that I would do as a part of my normal class schedule and hopefully something I could submit for publication or at least continue toward after I finish the class requirements. Since this is something I'd have to get acquainted to and comfortable with if I were to pursue a Ph.D. and it would help to improve my writing and thinking skills, this is something I want to pursue. As I said, I'm not yet sure if I can go forward with this project yet because the professor I want to work with will be a staff (not faculty) member next year. I'm currently talking to the dean of academic affairs to see if it's possible and what steps I need to take to move forward.

I feel comfortable with these decisions. How I'm going to balance everything is still a question I have yet to answer, but since I will be working considerably less hours working at the church next year and taking 2 less classes next year, I think I will be able to manage everything with diligent time management (<-- key factor). Prayer is always appreciated. I'll keep everyone updated and what's happening next.

Update

This week went by so quickly that I'm almost surprised that it's already over. I missed most of my classes this week trying to regain consciousness and get over jet lag, so hopefully next week will be better.

I have one big announcement this week: I have confirmed my church placement for the academic year. I'm going to be working at Allentown Presbyterian Church in Allentown, NJ with my major responsibilities being in the adult and children ministry departments. It should be a good experience. The associate pastor is a PTS grad, so she understands what's expected from the field ed office here and also knows what it's like to be a student doing an internship. So I'm glad to have that set and to feel comfortable about it.

Back in Princeton

I'm back in Princeton, though it seems I must always have some sort of travel difficulty in order for my trips home to be complete. My flight was delayed by about an hour in Burbank, and because of the winds, we had to take a runway that caused us to carry less fuel. We had to stop in Las Vegas for a refueling stop before we could make our way to the East Coast. And as we passed over Kansas we ran into some rough turbulence, which woke me up. I didn't get much sleep, and my back and legs are reminding me that that sleep wasn't very restful anyway.

Thankfully once I got into NY it was smooth sailing from there. I made it to each of the stations just in time to catch a train that was just leaving. So I hit the subway immediately after getting off the plane, made the connection in Penn Station quickly enough to catch the express train back to Princeton, and caught the Dinky back to campus just in time to make it to my first class in the morning. I ended up in Princeton about two hours later than I was hoping, but perhaps that was a blessing in surprise. Time will tell.

Other than that, this day has let me hit the ground running. I had to give a speech this afternoon, which considering I had essentially been up for about 27 hours straight I did surprisingly well on. I had left the speech at home in CA, so I had to get a fresh copy from my professor, which meant all my markings and cues I had to reinsert. But I pulled it off, only stumbling over a few words.

For now I'm going to head to bed. I may have some important news coming later this week, but all of that in due time. For now, it's time to recuperate.

Flight Numbers

Here are my flight numbers for my trips to and from Princeton:

JetBlue
JFK to Burbank: 357 (03/07: 4:40 - 8:00 pm)
Burbank to JFK: 358 (03/16-17: 9:00 pm - 5:03 am)

Anne Lamott

I went to see Anne Lamott tonight at the local Barnes and Noble. That was very cool. I read "Traveling Mercies" in college by her and thought it was very insightful, even if I didn't agree with her on every point. If you haven't heard of her, she's a popular writer and novelist. She's a Christian but a very rough-around-the-edges Christian. A feminist but not a super crazy feminist. She has some powerful things to say about Christianity and what it should look like. Very exciting opportunity. I got a couple of books signed by her and had my picture taken with her, which I'll post at some point (they're on my phone right now). If you're wondering what books she's written the link is below: I've read "Traveling Mercies," and also own "Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith" and "Bird by Bird."

Anne Lamott's books

My First Snow Day Ever

Well, I have now experienced my first snow day ever. Classes were cancelled today due to the snow. There are a few inches on the ground but the snow is coming down pretty hard still so I'd expect a few more inches still. Now that I have the day off I'm not sure what to do with myself. A chance to work on some projects.

Quick Church Placement Update

I'm currently working on field education placements, and it looks like I may have found a lead on a church placement for the summer. It would be about 20-30 minutes from Arcadia and it looks like it'd be very diverse, taking me through many different aspects of ministry (preaching, youth, children, visitation, etc.). Prayer would be appreciated as I continue to look into it. I'll give more details when I know more about the placement one way or the other.

Into the Routine, Discerning the Call

I am starting to feel comfortable with the routine of this semester now. My schedule is a bit odd since I am finished with classes by 10:00 am on Tuesday and have no class on Wednesday, so having that large chunk of time unoccupied has stretched me in terms of keeping on top of work rather than resting and relaxing, a difficult temptation to beat. But as time is moving along quickly I am readjusting my patterns to keep moving ahead.

With less credits this semester I'm also finding more time to stop and reflect on why I'm here and what I am working toward. One of the struggles last semester was losing sight of my purpose for studying here and what I was striving for. Part of it was some of the shock of being back in school and the level of intensity required to stay on top of work and do my work well, but part of it was in worrying about how to balance everything that I was unable to remember why I wanted to come to Seminary and accomplish here. With more time to reflect, I have been able to keep focused, and that has helped immensely in keeping my spirits up and continue to push through difficult classes.

I have been also thinking about where God is directing me in terms of my call and how that fits in with my passions, gifts, and talents. The waters are still very murky and little has happened still to clear them. On the one hand, I can see those traits that would serve well in a pastoral role. I am relational person and thrive in situations where I can develop connections that enable me to counsel, listen, and advise those who I care about. I still believe I have a gift for teaching and motivating change in people's lives. I have also witnessed how I've been used to point people to God, even when I feel distant from God; that was especially the case during the middle years of college. I know that for many I have been a person that people can trust to share concerns and doubts in different aspects of life. And God has put me in positions of leadership and responsibility in the past that have prepared me for future placements in leadership.

At the same time, I know that I also have a strong "intellectual" side; I think about problems analytically and often times I'd rather not come down on one side or another of particular issues because I realize that there is no clear cut answer. I enjoy teaching in a way that stimulates further reflection that may or may not result in change. I tend to have a critical side that would rather point out weaknesses rather than strengths so that those weaknesses can be strengthened. I think perhaps most "problematic" is that I'm very willing to ask difficult questions that aren't necessarily welcome. And in my experience so far, those who want to ask difficult questions and not always wanting to come down on solid answers aren't always most appreciated in church settings (except for some, but those tend to be churches that fall on a far more "liberal" stance than I'm comfortable with). Moreover I'm also afraid to a certain extent of being put in a position of nurturing personal growth when my approach is to introduce ideas rather than suggest a particular line of thinking. And I wonder whether I would be better fit in an environment where my goal is to introduce ideas rather than push someone to make a particular decision.

I realize that I'm still early in this process of reflection. The differences between teaching academically and pastorally are not that clearly defined. There's a lot of overlap, and there are also aspects of both that I simply don't know about yet. At this point, when it comes to it, I really have no clear direction to go on either path. With academic teaching, though I would enjoy classes and developing academic relationships with students, I'm not sure I want to be involved in the academic community (being at Princeton has shown me some of the ugly side of the academic world). With pastoral teaching, the major obstacle is that I lack a clear sense of call. My fear is that it's my decision to be a pastor, not God's leading me to that position, and if the Bible has taught me anything, it's those that who desire to be in positions of leadership are often the ones who fail while those who become leaders reluctantly, sometimes even against their desire, are most effective because they have been called. I can't help but feel right now that my desire to be a leader is what is driving me toward the pastorate, not the sense that God has called me to lead in His community.

The wrestling continues. I trust that a way will eventually be cleared in one direction or another. Probably not in the timing I want, but things never go as quickly as I'd like them to, which is better anyway. For now, it's time to hit the books again.

Spring Break

I have my flight plans for coming home. Here are the details:

Flying JetBlue

March 7
Depart: JFK - 4:40 p.m.
Arrive: Burbank - 8:00 p.m.

March 16
Depart: Burbank - 9:00 p.m.
Arrive: JFK - 5:03 a.m. (next day)

I Have Wheels

I am now mobile! Well, at least slightly more mobile than I was before. On Monday I went down the street to the local bike shop and bought a new bike! They finished assembling it today, so I picked it up and took it for a ride back to the Seminary. It's a great ride, probably the best bike I've ever owned (seeing as I've only ever owned two bikes, I suppose that's not saying much). But it's a bright spot in the middle of a pretty dark week. Here is a picture of the bike. It's a 2007 model of this bike, which is actually more like a better version of this bike, in case you want to see the specs.

A New Beginning

I have started my new semester with mixed feelings. I am very excited for most of my classes thus far. Church History this semester looks like it should be a much better class than last semester. I still have yet to start my last class since the lecture time is not until Thursday. I am also trying to switch my Radical Reformation class with a class called "The Search for a Christian America." The class is designed to explore the relationship between the Church and the State throughout American History, and this is intriguing to me especially during the 19th century. Unfortunately, the precept time on Friday interferes with my Hebrew lecture, so at this point I cannot add the class. However, there's another student in the class with the same predicament, and we are hoping that the professor will be able to work with us since we are both very excited about the class. I should know by Friday whether something has been worked out or not.

I am also beginning the process of looking into church placements for next year. I have four churches in the area that my field education advisor has looked into for me, so the next month will involve visiting those churches and seeing if any of them would make a good fit. Three of the four sound like they would be very good placements with good pastors. I will post more on them once I have had the chance to visit with them and the pastors.

It has been a bit stressful getting readjusted from break, especially being on campus last week but without work. By the end of this week I should be back into the swing of things, but for now it is a bit difficult. The lack of reading assignments due to less classes is also contributing since I have essentially finished all the reading I have to do for this week.

So the excitement continues. I'm starting to think more about starting/restarting the ordination process. It has been a bit complicated (probably more than it has needed to be) mostly because of my own hesitancy. Unfortunately (in my perspective), my last two years at APU did a lot to destroy my trust in the church, which has been difficult to overcome. Being at Princeton has done some to restore it, and I think the sites that my field ed. advisor has picked will do more. Still, I continue to wrestle over whether God is really calling me to be in a pastoral position and whether that calling is meant to be in a church setting. Though I feel fairly confident about the former, I am still skeptical about the latter. One of the things that I'm continuing to struggle with as well is whether I am being called specifically to the ministry of the Word and Sacrament. A few people that I have talked to have encouraged me to think of that more broadly than simply working as the head pastor of a church, which has been helpful to think about ordination in a more constructive way.

I realize that I could be doing much of this questioning as an Inquirer in the process, but that has been a little complicated as well. I am wrestling over whether Arcadia Pres. is really the best place for me to be under care. I realize that is probably a little shocking to some, and I'm not going to go into detail here since I feel it would be inappropriate. Reflecting on past events and experiences, I feel it is something I need to seriously consider.

Once I have my schedule more solidified I'll update more on my classes. It looks to be a very interesting semester.

A Week of Rest

I am finally on inter-semester break. I'm looking forward to have some time to regain my bearings, and really spend some quiet time with friends I've made out here. I was thinking about going down to West Virginia for a few days with some people but decided that staying around campus and working was going to be better.

I picked up a book on the Civil War for some "for fun" reading this week. It's called "Battle Cry of Freedom" by James McPherson, who is an American History professor at Princeton. It won the Pulitzer prize and is a one volume history of the Civil War. What makes that impressive is that most other scholars who write about the Civil War use multiple volumes to cover it, with 7 volumes not being unusual. So I'm very excited to jump into this book. It's written in narrative, which should make it more interesting and engaging.

Other than that, I'm planning on taking this time to explore, though with the turn in the weather, I may be confined in doors. This morning it was 23* before wind chill, which brought it down to about 10*. It was reminiscent of the cold in Florida in 2001 with the marching band. Hopefully it will warm up a bit this week.

I went to an Episcopal church this morning to "kill the heathen" (as my friend Christine was telling me to do). I hadn't had much of a chance to go to church while in NJ in December or during finals. It was an interesting experience. The church is right across the street from the seminary, and the building was built in the 19th century. It was a good service, my first at an Episcopal church. I'm finding that I really enjoy more liturgical services. I suppose that would make me fit well in an East Coast Presbyterian church as they're more liturgical.

I'm also going to invest in a bike when I get the money. I need a little more mobility than I currently have and they're so much to see around the area that having a bike will afford me the opportunity to get out a bit more. There are a group of students who go riding, so that will be good to find some of the good bike routes.

Finally, I was able to meet up with Andy Lucas while he was at the seminary. It was good to see a familiar face, and discuss seminary life.

Hopefully I'll be able to update a bit more in the coming weeks. It's a relief knowing that when I wake up tomorrow, I won't have to worry about class or finals.

Officially finished with the Semester

I am now officially finished with my first complete semester of seminary. I turned in my last set of papers and took my last final exam this morning and now wait in tension wondering how well I did. Finals turned out to be much more reasonable than I was expecting. Since I really had no expectations, I simply assumed the worst, but was pleasantly surprised at most of them, especially Systematic Theology. Church History was of course a terrible final, but that class is finished and I don't have to worry about it anymore. Hebrew on Saturday went well having just gotten off a plane 10 hours prior to that final. By far the best final I took was Systematic Theology. It wasn't that I felt most prepared for it (I didn't start studying for it until last night); it wasn't that it was an easy final either. It was simply helpful. One of the professors, Bruce McCormack, started out by gathering the whole class, and making sure we all knew what the exam was about and answered all our questioned. He kept the mood light and more importantly he helped us understand that the final was supposed to be a helpful exercise rather than torture. The goal was to take what we had learned and apply it (what a novel idea). Then he prayed for us and I cramped my hand after two and a half hours of writing. But approaching the final that way made it much easier to get it through.

Anyway, I am going to spend the next week and a half resting, getting a head start on reading, and spending time roaming around. It'll be nice to have a real break finally without the stress of finals.

The Church as Public

As part of one of my classes (named in the title), I had to write a 500 word essay on my understanding of the public nature of the church. This class has been my favorite class by far this semester, and though it has been very challenging, it has helped me grow both in stretching me intellectually and spiritually. So I thought I'd share that essay. It's by no means comprehensive or definitive; there is still quite a bit to be thought about and worked out. However, I think this paper present an adequate summary and appropriate spring board for further thought. So I present to you my final, exactly 500-word (which I am very proud of) essay on the public nature of the church:

The public nature of the Church can be characterized by the twofold nature of witness. The Church is the community of believers who are witness to and are witnesses of the actions of God in the world. These believers witness because they recognize and accept that they are recipients of God’s grace, intended for the whole world, accomplished through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

In its first meaning, the Church is a witness to God’s action in the world. She functions as one who actively observes and recognizes God’s action in the world and in her community. This is characterized both by what is witnessed in the Church (e.g. worship, preaching, baptism, Eucharist, etc.) as well as outside the Church. Thus the community of believers is never content to remain within the walls of a building as this denies the truth that God is active in the world. Rather, affirming the truth that the veil of the Temple has been split, the Church engages in the task of witnessing God’s action in the world. Through witnessing God’s action, the community of believers is uplifted, refined, and humbled by the grace of God available to the world.

This first task is only fully completed when the second task of witness is fulfilled: being a witness of God’s action. In this sense, the Church gives its testimony of God’s reconciling action to and for the world. By being a witness to God’s action, the Church adequately testifies about God’s involvement in human history to the world. Actively engaging in this mission, the Church joins God in the reconciliation of the world, being privileged to share in the divine task by witnessing to God’s reconciling work.

The Church is moved to this witnessing task because she is a recipient of grace and becomes a witness of grace. Regardless of whether a Christians believes they are actively engaged in witness, by affirming and accepting the gift of grace they bear the responsibility of the witnessing task to the eyes of the world. If the Church is to testify that God is offering grace to the world yet she does not testify about those actions or witness them herself, serious doubt is cast upon those who claim to follow the God who is for the world and also placing doubt in those seeking this God. Thus the Church engages in witness both to affirm God’s action for the world and to remain true to its claims.

The Church is not the true Church if it fails to engage in either aspect of witness. If the community fails to be a witness of God’s action, it is reduced to a human community that preaches about human action. The community that fails to testify about God’s action does not affirm that it has truly received grace or that God gives grace to the world. Only when this community is a witness to and of God’s grace and action is it the true public Church.

Passing of a Dodger Great

I was very sad to learn of the passing of Johnny Podres. Not exactly one of the players who cracks my all-time favorites, simply out of ignorance, but learning about his past through his obituary, watching videos of him pitch, and hearing the memories of those who knew makes me sad that I didn't know much about him. Vin Scully mentioned him quite often during broadcasts and I know he was at least one of the Dodger heroes in Brooklyn, especially during the '55 World Series. Very sad to hear.

Finals are almost finished and once I'm done with them I will post again. For now, it's back to the books.

At School Again Safely

I made it back to school safely. Once again I had a bit of a hectic flight back, but it worked out much smoother this time and I actually arrived in Newark earlier than I was anticipating. I shall fill in the details later. For now, I am going to finish my Hebrews exegesis project, study a little bit of Hebrew for my final later this morning before I get a few hours of sleep.