The Big Decision

I think many of you who read here are pretty much aware of the decision I have have been talking about making for the past couple months and officially made two weeks ago. But I wanted to let those of you know who haven't heard yet and to give a fuller explanation of the decision that I have made.

When I decided to restart the ordination process over the summer, I had hesitations about restarting the process at Arcadia Presbyterian Church. I had made that known to a few people, but I'm not sure how widely known it was. For various reasons that I won't go into, I felt that it was not best equipped to guide me through the process. But APC has been my home church for as long as I've been alive, and despite reservations I had, I decided to restart the process under their care.

Over the last (almost) four years, there have been a series of complications that have made my experience going through the process difficult. I believe that sometimes we face difficulty because it is an indication that we are going the right direction and it is a sign that we should continue going in that direction. Sometimes that difficulty is there to cause us to reconsider and either stop or determine a new direction. I am still not sure what this difficulty is indicating to me overall, but it did cause me to stop and reconsider.

My internship at La Crescenta Presbyterian Church was a life-changing experience for me. The experience restored my faith in the church's ability to be a redemptive for in the world and that people of various backgrounds and ideological beliefs can come together to worship God as one community. I had become very cynical about the church and LCPC gave me a glimmer of hope that I had needed. I was welcomed into the community from day one, and it has started to feel like home. I found leaders with experience who could easily relate with my vocational struggles as well as sharing some of my theological areas of interest. It became a community where I could share my gifts and be stretched out of my comfort zone in healthy ways to grow.

Toward the end of the summer, complications began to emerge again with the ordination process, and needing to return to Princeton, I left being in basically the same place I've been for the last four years. During the summer, it seemed like God was pointing me to a community that could guide me through the ordination process, and this complication seemed to be asking me to seriously consider that option.

This wasn't a decision to be made lightly or implusively. I prayed about it over these past months. I spoke to my friends, mentors, colleagues, advisors and a couple pastors to discuss the options. After getting their advice, I sat on it for another month. Every answer I received, every indication I had pointed in the same direction.

So two weeks ago, I sent a letter to APC to request my membership be transferred to La Crescenta Presbyterian Church. I believe God, at least at this time, wants me to continue to pursue the ordination process under LCPC's care. It was a hard decision, but I think it was the right one. I still consider APC an integral part of my life: it was the church I grew up in, the place where my faith became real, the place where I was given my first opportunities to serve in the church. But for everything there is a season, and I believe one season is ending and a new one is beginning. I know the reasons may seem simple; they are anything but. Those reasons don't need to be stated or known to anyone but those who are closely involved. Just know they are much more complex than they may seem.

I am not sure what the future holds for me in terms of completing ordination. I am beginning to wonder if this difficulty is in place to point me in another direction entirely. At this point, I still feel this is a direction that God wants me to go, despite my own reservations, and I will continue to go in that direction.